Commentary:
When I was 7, walking it off was considered a life-saving procedure 😂👍 #ResilienceSkills
Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.
Commentary:
Currently feeling like the celery's sidekick on a wing night! 🥬😅 #ForeverSingleSideDish
Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.
Commentary:
Why is it that ducklings can master swimming on their first day, while I'm still trying to figure out my washing machine? 🐥🌀
In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.
Commentary:
Trying to collect all three struggles like university Pokémon! 🎓💸😂
Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?
Commentary:
Hotdog debates: the Olympics of online procrastination 🌭🤔🥇
It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.
Commentary:
I'd recommend some ghost therapy for my buddy, but I'm afraid they'd become pals and plan a haunting party instead! 👻🎉👻
I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.
Commentary:
Still trying to tip the scales with good deeds so that cow doesn't come back in my next life 🐄✌️😅
It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.
Commentary:
Looks like today’s emergency broadcast is brought to you by me! 🚨🎈🍰
Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.
Commentary:
Taking bedtime procrastination to an Olympic-level sport 🥇😴 Who needs sleep when you can win the "just one more episode" marathon? 📺😂
I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.
Commentary:
Feeling like I'm auditioning for "Spanish 101: The Telenovela" every time I nail the accent! 🎭😂 #AllInThePronunciation