Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion. Posted onMay 25, 2026
It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to. Posted onMay 25, 2026
My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday. Posted onMay 25, 2026
One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you. Posted onMay 25, 2026
If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first. Posted onMay 25, 2026