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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,274

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Making waves on X:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Just landed via Instagram:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?

Just landed via Facebook:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Just landed via Slack:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Trending via X:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

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Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.
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Commentary:
🍝 "Pasta: the ultimate comfort food that never ceases to amaze with its endless carb-filled possibilities! It's the love affair that never fizzles out. Who needs a soulmate when you've got noodles, am I right? 😋 #CarbLoverForLife"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

72 shares on Discord this month:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

82 shares on Discord this month:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Kim Kardashian wants her ashes to be scattered in the sea after her death. As if there wasn’t enough plastic there already.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,335

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

What is it called when you were overthinking, and it turns out you were right?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Pinterest:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Going viral on Snapchat:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Going bananas on X:

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

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