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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has viewed:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has viewed:

β€œThere are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¨ has shared:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has downloaded:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has shared:

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has shared:

Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has shared:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,249

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Snapchat:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Making waves on Messenger:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

Just shared via Pinterest:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Making waves on WeChat:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you ghosted me, don’t come back. Maintain that energy, babe. Stay dead.

Trending via Discord:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Seen just now on X:

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

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Commentary:
Sounds like someone wants to protect their ears from another surprise podcaster debut! πŸŽ™οΈπŸ™‰πŸ˜‚

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Messenger this month:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

54 shares on X this month:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

29 shares on X this month:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Might start signing off emails with, β€œBut what do I know.”

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has downloaded:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has shared:

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has copied:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has shared:

I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has copied:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Live now on Messenger:

β€œI’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Live now on X:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Breaking via Twitch:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Seen just now on TikTok:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Just shared via YouTube:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Going viral on Instagram:

I remember when asking someone if they were on X meant something completely different.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

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