Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,328

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Just shared via X:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Just landed via YouTube:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Breaking via Facebook:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

We could all be hibernating right now but noooooo we have to be “adults” with “responsibilities”.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

3 weeks ago

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Sounds like someone wants to protect their ears from another surprise podcaster debut! 🎙️🙉😂

equipment, humor, none, podcast, praying, unwrapping

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100 shares on Pinterest this month:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

37 shares on YouTube this month:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I need a massage for my brain.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

For the record, I use a turntable.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Girls are perverts when they like you.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Just landed via Threads:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

Seen just now on YouTube:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Going viral on Instagram:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Going viral on TikTok:

Dudes get a MacBook, and all of a sudden, they got work to do in public places.

Just landed via WeChat:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Just landed via Instagram:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

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Activity Log ✨

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

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