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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I love men with a provider fetish.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Spotted on YouTube:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Making waves on Instagram:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Trending via Facebook:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Been getting really into nothing.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Making waves on Discord:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text warning about unwrapping podcast gear, playful and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like someone wants to protect their ears from another surprise podcaster debut! 🎙️🙉😂

equipment, humor, none, podcast, praying, unwrapping

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51 shares on Slack this month:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

24 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

100 shares on WeChat this month:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

70 shares on Threads this month:

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

12 shares on Twitch this month:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

34 shares on Threads this month:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Spotted on Twitch:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Seen just now on TikTok:

Remember that your face is literally a combination of hundreds of generations of people who fell in love!

Seen just now on Instagram:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Spotted on Slack:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Just shared via Slack:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Live now on TikTok:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Breaking via Facebook:

One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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