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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Telling my parents they’re like family to me.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Spotted on WeChat:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Seen just now on Slack:

AirBnB is fun for when you want to be financially abused by a stranger with a binder filled with rules.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Trending via WeChat:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Live now on Snapchat:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Going bananas on X:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a singles retreat with extra steps! 🍹🌧️😆

addiction, addiction recovery, caught, colada, getting, great, humor, meet, meet people, people, piña, piña colada, place, rain, recovery, reference, rehab, socializing, song, song reference

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

0

5 months ago

avoidance, cancel, coming, commitment, even, excuse, excuse phrase, flake, humor, never, no show, phrase, sarcasm, show
If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

0

2 months ago

disaster, earthquake, ever, experience, fear, Godzilla, humor, i, monster, reaction, thought
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

0

2 months ago

author, book, creativity, humor, joke, literature, page, writing
There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

0

2 months ago

behavior, dog, dogs, drug-sniffing, drug-sniffing dog, guide, guide dog, humor, life, pet, pet behavior, pets, poop, save
I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

0

2 months ago

am, awake, disappointed, disappointment, expectation, humor, i, irony, life, ready, reality
Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

0

2 months ago

commitment, fitness, focus, gym, humor, i, irony, prison, properly, sarcasm, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

95 shares on X this month:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Washing machine minutes are not the same as regular minutes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Returned my 3D printer, but not before making a 3D printer with it.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Just shared via WeChat:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Being excited to get in bed is a different level of adulting.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Trending via WhatsApp:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Shared recently on Instagram:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Shared recently on Discord:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Going bananas on YouTube:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨