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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has viewed:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has shared:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¦ has viewed:

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has downloaded:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says β€œvegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has copied:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has shared:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡· has shared:

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has shared:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,718

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Making waves on X:

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Ending my thesis paper with β€œbut who cares what I think?”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Spotted on Threads:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Making waves on TikTok:

I want to sit and read, take a nap, and snack. Basically, I want to be in kindergarten.

Just landed via Instagram:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

Humorous text about a guy scribbling in a book, playfully questioning his note-taking.
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Commentary:
Looks like someone is on a quest for the elusive 11th commandment: "Thou shalt write in ALL the books!" πŸ“šπŸ€“ Maybe he's expecting a bonus chapter hidden in the scribbles!

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

13 shares on Discord this month:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

28 shares on Slack this month:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œI’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

20 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡© has shared:

The word β€˜stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan β€˜Dennis’? We could be saying, β€œI dennis Beyonce.”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡· has downloaded:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡³ has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one in the world is judging you as much as you’re judging yourself. People online: Hold my beer.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡° has bookmarked:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ό has copied:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has downloaded:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ has bookmarked:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via X:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Live now on Messenger:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Just shared via Threads:

Nobody could stop me if I wasn’t tired all the time.

Making waves on Instagram:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to β€˜In The Air Tonight’.

Going bananas on Facebook:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Shared recently on Messenger:

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Forrest Gump is a haunting film about how long you have to wait for a bus in America.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

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