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Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Staring at the sky for answers, nothing new.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on LinkedIn:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Trending via Instagram:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Spotted on Facebook:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Just shared via Telegram:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Spotted on YouTube:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

14 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text expressing frustration with short weekends, playful and relatable vibe.

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Commentary:
"Feeling like weekends are on a strict diet these days, huh? 📆🤣 Maybe they need a cheat day or two! #WeekendWarrior"

30, frustration, humor, short, sick, time, tired, weekend

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73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

99 shares on Slack this month:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

47 shares on X this month:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Hey man, just wanted to reach out and say I loved how much you drank at my wedding last night.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Of all the things to lose why couldn’t it have been my appetite and not my mind.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Trending via Instagram:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

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Activity Log ✨

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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