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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,951

Funny Quotes Topics

14,756

Funny Quotes Images

11,951

Updated

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Just landed via WeChat:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

Going viral on Facebook:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Spotted on YouTube:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Trending via WeChat:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

1 day ago

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Commentary:
This is the perfect plan for social media FOMO 😂 Who needs sleep when you have memes 🌙✨

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Just landed via Twitch:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Making waves on WeChat:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.

Just landed via X:

Half the world is mentally ill. The other half is to blame.

Making waves on Facebook:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

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Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Mike is short for Micycle.

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

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