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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,753

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Making waves on Discord:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Going viral on YouTube:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Going viral on Discord:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Making waves on Telegram:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
This is the perfect plan for social media FOMO 😂 Who needs sleep when you have memes 🌙✨

activity, good, humor, i, insomnia, internet, media, miss, night, online, online activity, post, posts, procrastination, social, social media, stay, stay up, staying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

1 month ago
clever, clever man, closet, clothes, fit, humor, jealousy, man, other man, relationship, wife’s, wife’s closet
Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

1 month ago
Adderall, awareness, doing, help, i, just, productivity, should, things
I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

1 month ago
actually, again, conversation, encounter, humor, i, insight, love, never, perspective, random, random encounter, say, shit, stranger, strangers, talking
Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

1 month ago
advice, free, humor, know, knowledge, outrun, risk, security, theft
Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

1 month ago
1816, back, baron, Baron von Heldebrandt, custard, drunk, egg, egg nog, Germany, guys, heldebrandt, humor, invention, nog, von
I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

1 month ago
activity, cleaning, crime, crime scene, floor, humor, i, kitchen, know, mop, pretending, scene

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Shared recently on Threads:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Going viral on Slack:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

I love how these vegans still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

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Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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