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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Spotted on Facebook:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Just shared via WeChat:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

Spotted on Instagram:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Just shared via Twitch:

I may be a chaotic mess, but then so is quantum physics.

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

2 days ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Apparently, my body thinks it's hydrating the Sahara instead of just being a human! 🚰🤔💦

actually, amount, body, center, data, data center, drink, exaggeration, humor, hydrated, hydration, need, obscene, think, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

3 months ago

AI, brushing, brushing teeth, conservation, corporation, environment, faucet, humor, i, ruin, spend, teeth, turning, water, water conservation, while
Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

2 months ago

boyfriend, build, connect, humor, LinkedIn, media, relationship, request, social, social media, want
My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

1 month ago

even, humor, i, management, procrastination, superpower, time, time management, wasting, wasting time
I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

2 months ago

baby, belly, bigger, diagnosis, expectation, humor, i, imaginary, inside, joke, pregnancy, read, surprise
Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

2 months ago

asleep, billion, body, brain, fall, humor, insomnia, interesting, night, overthinking, six, sleep, thought, thoughts, time
We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, blue, blue eye, clumsiness, even, eye, eyes, first impression, gaze, humor, i, impression, just, meeting, moment, never, pale, tell, toe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

93 shares on Slack this month:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

63 shares on Slack this month:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

50 shares on Threads this month:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Live now on Threads:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Just landed via Twitch:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Live now on Instagram:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Going viral on Twitch:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Making waves on YouTube:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨