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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,537

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Freshly posted on X:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Just landed via Discord:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Making waves on YouTube:

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like my GPS has 'muscle memory' for the drive-thru! 🚗💥🏋️‍♂️🍔"

accidentally, comedy, drive, fitness, gym, hit, humor, i, laziness, motivation, only, procrastination, workout

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

0

2 months ago

activity, childhood, culture, DuckTales, flex, fun, fun activity, intro, intro song, music, nostalgia, pop, pop culture, sing, song
Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

0

2 months ago

dissatisfaction, fun, happy, humor, i, intimacy, relationship, sex, understand
When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

0

2 months ago

back, confusion, directions, giving, humor, i, irony, just, lost, love, me, miscommunication, miss, navigation, someone, tell, travel, wrong
You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

0

3 months ago

48, 6, am, day, early, early riser, exaggeration, hours, humor, morning, riser, time, wake, wake up
Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

0

3 months ago

AI, center, conservation, data, data center, drink, drinking, humor, much, need, only, please, resource, sure, technology, thirst, thirsty, too, water
And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

0

6 months ago

family, great-grandchild, humor, i, inheritance, leave, legacy, screenshot, screenshots, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on WeChat this month:

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

81 shares on X this month:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

16 shares on Threads this month:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Just landed via Twitch:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Just landed via X:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Shared recently on X:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Breaking via YouTube:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Making waves on Slack:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Just landed via YouTube:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

And to my great-grandchildren, I leave 48,567 screenshots.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨