Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,240

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Just landed via Reddit:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Going viral on Twitch:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Going viral on Discord:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Just shared via Slack:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Going bananas on Twitch:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Trending via Messenger:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Trending via Reddit:

Not going is the new leaving early.

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Finally, a royal decree I can get behind… or rather, under the covers! 😂👑🛏️ #NobleNaps #RoyallyTuckedIn"

bed, comedy, dialogue, guards, humor, humorous, humorous quote, irony, playful, sleep, take, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

0

2 months ago

busy, communication, depends, give, humor, information, me, planning, question, relationship, rest, schedule, tomorrow
Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

0

5 months ago

face, i, landlord, me, mortgage, paying, rent, sit, straight, straight face, tenant, told, while
Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

0

2 months ago

fat, food, making, me, stop
I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

0

4 months ago

communication, demand, exaggeration, expectation, humor, i, max, minimum, motivation, need, relationship, shake
I have a very active anti-social life.

0

3 weeks ago

active, anti-social, humor, i, introvert, life, social, social life
Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, danger, dangerous, date, gone, humor, joke, relationship, restaurant, toilet, toilets, vanish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Twitch this month:

9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

83 shares on Discord this month:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s always “you’re so cute when you’re mad,” until the house is on fire.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Spreading quickly via X:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Just shared via X:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Going viral on WeChat:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Just shared via Facebook:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Just landed via Instagram:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Going viral on Slack:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

I have a very active anti-social life.

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨