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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Making waves on Instagram:

God: “I’m all-knowing but I’d rather be all-forgetting.”

Just shared via Threads:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Just shared via Reddit:

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Trending via Telegram:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Spotted on TikTok:

You know who’s gonna love you in the end? Your dog.

Going viral on Twitch:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Just shared via Threads:

I wish I had a friend like me.

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to leave work early because I look too good and my coworkers can't handle the distraction 😎💼🚪

confidence, early, flirtation, fun, humor, leave, leave early, let, sexy, should, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

0

2 months ago

always, annoyance, annoyed, humor, image, love, Narcissus, own, self-obsession, talk, talking, tried
The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, discomfort, embarrassment, funny situation, humor, moment, situation, social, social situation, tell, zipper
Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

0

2 months ago

family, gap, generation, generation gap, got, grandparent, grandparents, humor, lose, McDonald’s, money, parent, parents, sense, senses, sudden
My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

0

2 months ago

card, frustration, gift, gift card, give, humor, left, limits, metaphor, much, patience, sure, try, uncertainty
Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

0

2 months ago

every, flannel, flask, gift, gift guide, guide, hold, humor, knife, men, satire, whiskey
Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

0

2 months ago

dating, DM, DMs, Etsy, humor, love, magic, paying, put, relationship, spell, witch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Threads this month:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

85 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

54 shares on Messenger this month:

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

15 shares on Slack this month:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Live now on YouTube:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Breaking via Twitch:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

Making waves on Twitch:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Live now on WeChat:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Just landed via TikTok:

“You’re always sleeping,” God forbid a woman wants to be unconscious.

Going bananas on Telegram:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

Trending via Threads:

I hate having a body, it’s so high maintenance. Shower this, eat that, drink this, sleep that, it’s all very stupid.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨