Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I am deeply overwhelmed and yet incredibly bored at the same time.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?