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A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

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The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

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You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

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I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

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The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

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This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

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Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.