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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I am a full grown adult. Now listen to me discuss the various plot holes in Paw Patrol.

Live now on Instagram:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Making waves on Twitch:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Trending via Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Just landed via Messenger:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Just shared via Telegram:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

2 months ago

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Commentary:
That's me, the president of the One-Person Comedy Club! 😂🧠

ever, got, health, humor, inside, inside joke, joke, jokes, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, self, self-talk, talk, yourself

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

0

2 months ago

conversation, frustration, going, hell, humor, hurts, i, job, job search, know, me, question, sarcasm, search, second, should, violent, violent question
I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, after, age, anywhere, going, going out, humor, i, never, parents, understand, understanding, wanted, where, why, work
The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

0

6 months ago

humor, just, me, midnight, money, night, night owl, online, online shopping, owl, real, shopping, shopping spree, spending, spree
Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

0

3 weeks ago

activity, cause, enough, frustration, hard, humor, irony, mental, mental activity, never, over, overthinking, think, thinking
Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad screen, fatigue, good, good screen, home, looking, screen, screen fatigue, tired, wait
No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

0

2 months ago

date, humor, i, interest, irony, me, men, only, relationship, sarcasm, thank

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on X this month:

Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Math is like Chinese to me.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Just shared via TikTok:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Making waves on WeChat:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Spotted on Instagram:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Trending via Facebook:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

Shared recently on X:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Live now on Telegram:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Live now on Messenger:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨