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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Jan 12, 2026

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Making waves on Threads:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Shared recently on YouTube:

In 2007, if you wore a long-sleeve T-shirt under a regular T-shirt, it meant that you liked music.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Just landed via YouTube:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Just landed via Threads:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Going viral on Pinterest:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

2 months ago

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "When you decline that drink like a boss and suddenly everyone is questioning your life choices! Who knew sobriety could be in such high demand? It's like you just declined a winning lottery ticket! 💰 Cheers to being a party pooper, I mean, responsible adult! 🥤 #LifeChoices"

act, drink, expectation, humor, just, money, people, pressure, rejection, response, social, social pressure, tell, trying, turned

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

6 months ago

back, bed, humor, just, me, morning, morning routine, motivation, myself, procrastination, routine, self, self-motivation, sleep, waking, waking up
I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

3 months ago

delivery, food, guy, humor, i, never, pizza, priorities, sit, waiting
My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

2 months ago

before, behavior, child, child behavior, dislike, eater, even, food, food dislike, humor, kid, kids, knowing, parenting, picky, picky eater, superpower
The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

2 months ago

advantage, balance, being, Christmas, Christmas party, employment, humor, independence, party, real, self-employed, work life, work-life balance
Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

2 weeks ago

boo, celery, food, getting, hot, hot wing, humor, jealousy, plate, relationship, treated, wing
The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

2 months ago

balance, bank, call, called, compliment, finance, humor, i, just, me, money, motivation, outstanding, said, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on X this month:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

68 shares on X this month:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

80 shares on Threads this month:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

11 shares on Discord this month:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Spotted on WeChat:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Spotted on Facebook:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Breaking via Discord:

We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

Just shared via Discord:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Going viral on TikTok:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Just shared via Threads:

(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?

Spotted on WeChat:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Making waves on Discord:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

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