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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Friends with consequences.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,965

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Just shared via Reddit:

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Just landed via Facebook:

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like finally something to spice up my calendar! 🤖🌌👾

alien, alien invasion, change, change of pace, hostile, humor, invasion, nice, pace, sarcasm, sounds

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

1 month ago
condition, humor, ignore, joke, name, relationship, sarcasm, term, terms
Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward moment, blurt, conversation, getting, humor, intro, moment, mother-in-law, point, skip
I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

1 month ago
away, believe, comedy, days, ex-wife, having, humor, i, joke, nuclear, nuclear weapon, relationship, sarcasm, weapon
My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

2 months ago
comedy, humor, identity, name, rapper, rapper name, stress, wordplay
Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

1 month ago
back, behavior, call, cat, dog, humor, message, pet, pet behavior, procrastination, witty
With great power comes a huge electric bill.

1 month ago
bill, cost, electric, electric bill, electricity, energy, great, huge, humor, joke, power, responsibility

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Just landed via Threads:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Spotted on X:

Any room can be a bathroom if you hate the person who’s house you’re in.

Just shared via Messenger:

Laugh all you want. My Encyclopedia Britannica set will never require WiFi.

Trending via Reddit:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Spotted on Instagram:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Salary week, but salary weak.

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

My body cracks like a glow stick every time I move, but refuses to light up.

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

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A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Accidentally blurted out “skip intro” when my mother-in-law wasn’t getting to the point.

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

My rapper name would be 2 stressd.

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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