So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor. Posted onMay 30, 2026
You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels. Posted onMay 30, 2026
People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’ Posted onMay 30, 2026
They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same. Posted onMay 30, 2026
My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score. Posted onMay 30, 2026