Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping. Posted onMay 30, 2026
My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen. Posted onMay 30, 2026
The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person? Posted onMay 30, 2026
Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless. Posted onMay 30, 2026
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default. Posted onMay 30, 2026