The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Elsa froze her entire kingdom instead of dealing with her feelings. I respect that level of avoidance. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.” Posted onMay 30, 2026
Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person? Posted onMay 30, 2026
Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless. Posted onMay 30, 2026
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither. Posted onMay 30, 2026
Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default. Posted onMay 30, 2026
It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish. Posted onMay 30, 2026
It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though. Posted onMay 30, 2026
People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in. Posted onMay 30, 2026
I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling. Posted onMay 30, 2026
“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.” Posted onMay 30, 2026