Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Drinking a beer alone with terrible posture.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Just landed via Discord:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

Freshly posted on X:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Just shared via YouTube:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Going viral on Snapchat:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Plot twist: I'm filing a missing follower report. 😂🚨📱"

behavior, calling, digital, humor, internet, joke, media, online, online behavior, police, satire, social, social media, someone, unfollow

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

0

2 months ago

always, bottle, celebration, fridge, fun, humor, keep, occasion, special, special occasion, Wednesday, wine
I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

0

2 months ago

awake, grumpy, humor, mood, only, sarcasm, sleep
Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

0

2 months ago

authority, boss, care, gardening, houseplant, humor, joke, plant, plant care, waterboard, waterboarding
The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

0

5 months ago

answer, anxiety, call, calling, fear, friend’s house, friends, generation, house, know, never, parent, parents, phone, younger, younger generation
I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

0

2 months ago

bore, confidence, humor, i, personality, problems, sarcasm, self-deprecating, wit
By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

0

2 months ago

back, communication, disrespect, disrespectful, even, humor, i, media, procrastination, remember, social, social media, text, texting, time, too

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Trending via WhatsApp:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Freshly posted on X:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Live now on Reddit:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

No, you’re not a “prompt engineer,” you’re a sloperator.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Live now on Reddit:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨