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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡» has viewed:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has viewed:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ώ has copied:

β€œBut it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has bookmarked:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, β€œI love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, β€œTurn left.”

Someone from πŸ‡΄πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ί has viewed:

I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,356

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Telegram:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Live now on Messenger:

Me, at the intervention: β€œAh look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Spotted on Reddit:

I think every app should, by law, let you deactivate all of its short-form video content.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Nothing ruins an introvert’s day like a 4 p.m. appointment.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Going bananas on Threads:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Just landed via Instagram:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Going viral on Messenger:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

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Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Attention all public speakerphone users: You have officially been dubbed the designated annoyance in public spaces. πŸ™„πŸ”Š Remember, a little volume control goes a long way in not becoming a public enemy. πŸ˜‚ #SpeakerphoneEtiquetteFail"

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Later is the best time to do anything.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

72 shares on Discord this month:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

24 shares on Slack this month:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Being a little freak is my love language.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œYou’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Plants are like β€œI’ll have a light lunch.”

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,526

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has copied:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡² has copied:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is β€œso yeah…”

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has shared:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡΅ has viewed:

Called in, β€œI’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¨ has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ά has copied:

Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. “Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has bookmarked:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on Facebook:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Going viral on Threads:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Spotted on Threads:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Making waves on Threads:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Social media is mental suicide.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

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