Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,645

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Making waves on Reddit:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Trending via TikTok:

If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

Going viral on X:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Trending via Slack:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Trending via Facebook:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Just landed via Slack:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Making waves on Threads:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Trying to laugh through another meeting like I'm auditioning for a role in a sitcom 🎭😅 Just give me a nap instead, please! 💤

alone, bro, exhausting, exhaustion, fake, fake laugh, hell, humor, interaction, just, laugh, laughing, leave, me, social, social interaction, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

0

2 months ago

ambition, childhood, early, ever, girl, humor, i, leave, little, wanted, work
Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, friends, friendship, humor, loneliness, me, shoutout, still
Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

0

2 weeks ago

again, care, communication, dismissal, humor, i, indifference, me, mention, need, phrase, professional, professional phrase, sarcasm, say
Netflix & by yourself.

0

2 months ago

activity, alone, date, entertainment, fun, fun activity, Netflix, self-care, yourself
I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

0

2 months ago

control, humor, i, job, job loss, loss, lost, lunch, mission, Mission Control, misunderstanding, Nasa, time, today, workplace
The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

0

2 months ago

company, cool, humor, me, only, salary, self, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

76 shares on Discord this month:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

19 shares on Discord this month:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Ever feel like you’re adulting, but only on the outside? Inside, you’re just a kid hoping someone else will make dinner.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Just landed via Facebook:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Trending via Instagram:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Spotted on Instagram:

My favorite color is money.

Just shared via Facebook:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

Just landed via Slack:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Going viral on Messenger:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to leave work early.

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Netflix & by yourself.

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨