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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

The oceans are rising because no one is drinking their recommended 8-12 glasses of water per day.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the job of 3-5 people.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,980

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Live now on Facebook:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Spotted on YouTube:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Seen just now on Telegram:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Trending via Messenger:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Going bananas on X:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

2 months ago

0

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if your goal is to make a lasting impression, giving a wet willy might just do the trick! 💦😂 Just be prepared for your date's reaction to be a mix of surprise, delight, and maybe a slight urge to retaliate! 👉👂 But hey, who said first dates have to be conventional, right? 🤷‍♂️🤪

close, date, first date, funny idea, humor, i, idea, lean, playful, surprise, wet, wet willy, willy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

0

2 months ago

car, comparison, Cybertruck, Deplorean, humor, joke, technology
If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

0

2 months ago

bigger, clean, cleaning, couch, humor, ID, lifestyle, luxury, lying, man, marriage, married, right, rooms, sarcasm, wealth
In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

0

2 months ago

being, children, disaster, evacuation, humor, men, peace, solution, think, women
Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

0

2 months ago

contemplate, friendship, humor, irony, life, meet, murder, occasionally, people, relationships, someone, special
It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

0

2 months ago

account, after, bank, bank account, checking, crime, desperation, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, irony, joke, life, life of crime, money, need, struggle, turn
Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

0

2 months ago

hairline, humor, idea, men, receding, spider, spider web, tattoo, web

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on X this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake I’ve ever made, instead.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

63 shares on X this month:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

89 shares on Discord this month:

I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,030

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Seen just now on WeChat:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Breaking via Reddit:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Trending via Slack:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Live now on Telegram:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

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