132 funny driving quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Mar 28, 2026

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

Mar 28, 2026

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

Mar 28, 2026

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

Mar 28, 2026

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Mar 28, 2026

The best thing about driving in the snow is staying home.

Mar 27, 2026

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Mar 27, 2026

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Mar 27, 2026

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Mar 27, 2026

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Mar 27, 2026

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Mar 27, 2026

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

Mar 27, 2026

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Mar 27, 2026

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Mar 27, 2026

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Mar 27, 2026

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Mar 26, 2026

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Mar 26, 2026

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Mar 26, 2026

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Mar 26, 2026

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Mar 26, 2026

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Mar 26, 2026

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Mar 26, 2026

It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Mar 26, 2026

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Mar 26, 2026

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Mar 26, 2026

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Mar 26, 2026

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Mar 26, 2026

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Mar 26, 2026

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Mar 26, 2026

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Mar 26, 2026

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Mar 26, 2026

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Mar 26, 2026

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Mar 26, 2026

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Mar 26, 2026

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Mar 25, 2026

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Mar 25, 2026

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Mar 25, 2026

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Mar 25, 2026

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

Mar 25, 2026

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Mar 25, 2026