Commentary:
Ah, breakfast chefs in the morning are just overachievers with spatulas! 🥓👨🍳🍳
393 Funny going quotes
Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.
Commentary:
"Guess I'm on the hunt for a new doctor now! 🍻🚫😂"
I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.
Commentary:
Looks like my mirror is getting ready for the show of a lifetime! 😂😂🌟
Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.
Commentary:
Can't blame the Wi-Fi for my brain's 24/7 chatroom! 🤯🗯️😂
This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.
Commentary:
Looks like he's auditioning for a role in the next Fast & Furious movie! 🚓🎬😂
I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.
Commentary:
Looks like I'm defying science and making waves! 🌊🍴😂
To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.
Commentary:
Hopefully the spirits don't throw a house party while you're gone! 👻🎉🛒
It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.
Commentary:
Stepped outside, instantly missed my couch! 😂🏡 #HomeSweetHome
The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.
Commentary:
When the bedtime becomes the highlight of your day, you know youre winning at adulthood! 😴😆 #LivingTheDream
Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll hold the fort here on Earth! 🚪🤦♂️🛸🌕"