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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

52 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Trending via WeChat:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Spotted on X:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Shared recently on Slack:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Making waves on Threads:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Trending via Telegram:

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

Home » Funny Held Quotes

Funny held quotes

Funny held quotes bring a burst of laughter 😂 and clever wit 🤪 to brighten your day! Whether you need a quick mood lift or a silly twist on everyday moments, these gems will keep you chuckling 😆 and sharing smiles 😊. Get ready to hold onto your funny bone and enjoy some playful wisdom that’s as entertaining as it is unforgettable! 🎉📝

New funny held quotes 👇

20 hours ago
Share →: That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Commentary:
Coldplay playing the accountability game like it's Viva La Vida 😂🎶 #PresidentialComparisons
2 weeks ago
Share →: If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Commentary:
Wow, who knew confidence could be booked in advance? 🚗🍽️😂
1 month ago
Share →: Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Commentary:
"Forget Prince Charming, I'll take a donut any day! 🍩❤️🤣"
3 months ago
Share →: Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Commentary:
"Ah, the joy of being held hostage in a meeting – it's like a free ticket to a boredom party! 🕰️🤦‍♂️ #OfficeLife"
6 months ago
Share →: Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Commentary:
"Your honor, I just wanted a hug, not a sentence! 😆⚖️ #LegalLaughter"
6 months ago
Share →: Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Commentary:
"Who needs a backbone when you have a layers of gooey, melty cheese holding you up? 🧀💪 It's a brie-lliant way to live life, one cheesy layer at a time! 😄🍝 #CheeseIsTheGlueThatHoldsUsTogether"
6 months ago
Share →: When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'hold me, but not responsible' dilemma! 🤷‍♂️ Who knew asking for a hug could lead to a TED talk on accountability? 😂 Remember folks, sometimes all we need is a cuddle, not a lecture on life choices! 🤗 #HugNotBlame"

For even more funny held quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny held quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

Funny Quotes Topics

15,118

Funny Quotes Images

12,411

52 minutes ago

3,443

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Why is it called Christian community and not Holyfans?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Spotted on Twitch:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Making waves on Instagram:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Going viral on X:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Making waves on X:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Breaking via Twitch:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

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