Commentary:
Canceling plans is my cardio 😂📅🚫
14852 Funny humor quotes
I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.
Commentary:
Who knew my inner thoughts had such an enthusiastic fan club! 🤯😂✨
My life goal is to make you feel as awkward or awesome as you are making me feel.
Commentary:
Awkwardness level: Jedi Master unlocked! 🧘♂️🤔✨
Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.
Commentary:
Who knew the real reason centaurs run so fast was toilet paper avoidance? 🏃♂️🧻💨
He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.
Commentary:
"Just shakalaka-ing my way through life! 🎤💃✨ Woop, there it is!"
Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.
Commentary:
Maybe start hanging out near the chocolate section; I'm pretty sure that's where all the "Hershey's Kisses" are hiding! 😄🍫💋
The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.
Commentary:
Finally reached the level where caffeine's the only conversation starter I need ☕🤫🤣
Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.
Commentary:
Swinging that spatula like it's a legendary hammer in a kitchen forge! 🔨🔥😂
I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.
Commentary:
When ignorance was bliss and my biggest worry was accidentally stepping on a Lego! 🤯😂🦶✨
Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.
Commentary:
Well, looks like I need a loan because my cat just hired a lawyer 😂🐱💸