Commentary:
Guess I'll be keeping my natural forehead wrinkles—how else will I express my disbelief at life's endless supply of ridiculousness? 🤨😂
5670 Funny i quotes
I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.
Commentary:
Sounds like my brain is buffering… maybe I need to reboot with a nap! 😴🤔✨
I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”
Commentary:
When your alarm clock turns into your arch-nemesis, betrayal level 100 😂⏰😴
I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old days, when my only responsibility was not existing! 😅🕺✨
I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.
Commentary:
Celebrating one day closer to Friday but at what cost? 🤔💼😅
It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.
Commentary:
Sending thoughts and caffeine ☕💼😂
Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.
Commentary:
When laziness meets genius: procrastination becomes a superpower 😂🧠📚
About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.
Commentary:
Attempting to outrun poor personality traits one stride at a time 🏃♀️💨 or maybe just sprinting to the fridge instead 😂🍕
Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.
Commentary:
When foreplay involves potatoes, I'm all in! 🥔🔥😂
Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.
Commentary:
I aspire to reach the tax bracket where I don't have to worry about my paper towel usage 😂🧻💸