Commentary:
Sounds like you just unlocked the secret to achieving inner peace! 😂🤐🙏
5604 Funny i quotes
I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.
Commentary:
"With your track record, even a bicycle seems risky! 🚲😄"
The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”
Commentary:
When "flight" becomes my default setting in "fight or flight" mode 😂✌️🏃♂️
Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.
Commentary:
When sober, taxis are just a ride—when drunk, they're a free therapy session on wheels! 🚕🍸😂
You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.
Commentary:
This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸
I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've got the grass-roots solution for filling your free time! 🌱😂🌿
I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.
Commentary:
Dodging cameras like I'm on a secret spy mission! 🕵️♂️📸🎉
Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.
Commentary:
At least you won't be losing beauty sleep! 😴😂✨
I hope this email makes you quit your job.
Commentary:
Trying to resist hitting 'reply all' with my resignation notice 😂✉️🚪
“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”
Commentary:
Chasing toddlers with markers should be an Olympic sport! 🏃♂️🎨🤣