Commentary:
"Who knew? My life's calling was just a rocking chair away! 🪑😂☀️"
Tag Archives: 1458 Funny life quotes
Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.
Commentary:
"Is it my joints or my morning cereal? 🤔🔍😂 #MysterySounds #SeniorSymphony"
After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.
Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of adulthood where pulling an all-nighter means making it to morning without a bathroom break! 🚽🌙😴"
If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.
Commentary:
"🤖: 1, Humans: 0… But did the robot actually write this comment too? 🤔"
I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!
Commentary:
"Stepping down with grace and heading to the kids' table 🍰👶 #RetiredAdult"
Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.
Commentary:
😂🐾 "When I stand, my dog thinks I'm a superhero on the move! Only problem is, the biggest 'mission' I embark on is finding the TV remote. 🦸♂️📺"
I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.
Commentary:
"Folding laundry is my cardio. 🏋️♂️👕 Just kidding, I'm on a permanent rest day! 😂"
Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.
Commentary:
"Who needs a clown car when you've got the office? 🤡🚗😂"
I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.
Commentary:
"Happy to keep Mark's sandwich fund going! 🥪💻🤣 #FullTimeScroller"
The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.
Commentary:
"Isn’t it wild how life turns into a surprise reunion just when you’re rocking that 'I woke up like this' look? 🤦♀️😂 #ErrandFashionShow"