Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,534

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Just landed via Facebook:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Breaking via Discord:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

17 Funny microwave quotes

More funny microwave quotes 👇

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

2 weeks ago

air, beep, drum, drum solo, humor, In the Air Tonight, just, kitchen, kitchen humor, me, microwave, music, music parody, parody, slap, solo, tonight, tummy, tummy slap, waiting
I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

3 weeks ago

always, appliance, beep, before, boss, defiance, humor, i, independence, kitchen, me, microwave, stop
I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

1 month ago

5, again, am, appearance, dating, desperate, desperation, dinner, enough, humor, i, identify, identity, just, me, microwave, microwave dinner, minutes, nothing, photos, ready, ready in 5 minutes, satisfaction, sexual, sexual identity, want
The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

1 month ago

after, appliance, Christmas, cooking, danger, dangerous, day, holiday, microwave, morning
I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

3 months ago

done, exercise, food, humor, i, least, microwave, step, steps, waiting
Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

3 months ago

annoyance, appliance, beep, feature, forever, kitchen, microwave, sound, timer
Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

3 months ago

dishwasher, everyday, everyday life, gift, humor, kitchen, life, microwave, moment, mug, safety, sarcasm, silence

For even more funny microwave quotes, hit next 👇

All funny microwave quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

58 shares on Discord this month:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

22 shares on X this month:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

89 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Live now on X:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Going viral on Twitch:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Going viral on Telegram:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

Spotted on Discord:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

Making waves on X:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Going viral on Messenger:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Activity Log ✨

17 Funny microwave quotes

More funny microwave quotes 👇

All funny microwave quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨