1116 funny people quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

May 28, 2026

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

May 28, 2026

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

May 28, 2026

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

May 28, 2026

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

May 28, 2026

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

May 28, 2026

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

May 28, 2026

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

May 28, 2026

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

May 28, 2026

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

May 28, 2026

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

May 28, 2026

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

May 28, 2026

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

May 28, 2026

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

May 28, 2026

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

May 28, 2026

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

May 28, 2026

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

May 28, 2026

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

May 28, 2026

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

May 28, 2026

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park, but it’s just really hard to find thirty-two of them willing to do it.

May 28, 2026

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

May 28, 2026

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

May 28, 2026

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

May 28, 2026

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

May 28, 2026

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

May 28, 2026

Me going to work because I’m too honest to scam people, too shy to be an influencer, too good for a sugar daddy, and too dumb for crypto.

May 28, 2026

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I finally get why people love cauliflower.

May 28, 2026

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

May 28, 2026

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

May 28, 2026

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

May 28, 2026

People don’t get slapped enough with empty gloves these days.

May 28, 2026

If the office is always a little cold, you might be working for the lizard people.

May 28, 2026

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

May 28, 2026

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

May 28, 2026

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

May 28, 2026

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

May 28, 2026

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

May 28, 2026

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

May 28, 2026

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

May 28, 2026

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

May 28, 2026