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10,000+ funny quotes

80 Funny pun quotes

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

3 months ago

Telling my guitar to “stay tuned”.

3 months ago

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

3 months ago

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

3 months ago

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

3 months ago

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

3 months ago

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

3 months ago

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

3 months ago

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

3 months ago

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

3 months ago

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

3 months ago

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

3 months ago

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

3 months ago

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

3 months ago

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

3 months ago

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

3 months ago

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

3 months ago

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

3 months ago

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

3 months ago

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

3 months ago