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Funny Quotes Data šŸ¤“

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

359 Funny say quotes

Funny say quotes šŸ˜‚ are the quirky little gems that add a dash of humor to our daily grind, tickling our brains with wit and wisdom. They’re like your favorite meme but with a sprinkle of sophistication, the perfect cocktail for a smile or a chuckle. šŸŽ‰ Whether you’re looking to lighten the mood or break the ice, these clever one-liners have you covered. So, buckle up and get ready to dive into a world where words play hopscotch and laughter is always on the menu! šŸ˜„

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I wish it were social acceptable to say ā€œI don’t careā€ and walk away mid conversation when you’re bored.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Jackie Chan used to say ā€œI don’t want troubleā€œ and then break everybody’s legs.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I wish there was a nicer way to say ā€œmy natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about youā€.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You say ā€œmultitaskā€ like it’s a good thing.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is ā€œso yeahā€¦ā€

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Twitter is fun because you can tweet about hashbrowns and someone will say you are responsible for genocide.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the ā€œfor myselfā€ is silent.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

When someone dies people say ā€œhe’s going to meet his Makerā€. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say ā€œrepairs damageā€. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If i say ā€œmorning!ā€ to you, it does not mean ā€œgood morningā€, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Nobody says “boom shakalaka” like they used to.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

ā€œIt is what it is,ā€ I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, ā€œIt’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humbleā€.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

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