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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,304

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Going viral on Snapchat:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Live now on YouTube:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Just landed via Facebook:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Live now on Snapchat:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Trending via Messenger:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

88 Funny self-improvement quotes

More funny self-improvement quotes 👇

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

3 weeks ago

cleaning, closet, first step, good, humor, i, organization, over, procrastination, self-improvement, step, today
Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

3 weeks ago

aging, beauty, Botox, braces, forget, humor, look younger, self-improvement, want, younger
I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

3 weeks ago

better, change, humor, i, need, new, new year, optimism, resolution, self-improvement, turn, year
Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

3 weeks ago

America, captain, Captain America, culture, drug, drugs, enhancing, everyone, humor, i, irony, just, love, me, need, performance, performance enhancing drug, pop, pop culture, self-improvement, superhero, take
Somebody needs to get my shit together.

3 weeks ago

humor, motivation, need, needs, procrastination, self-improvement, shit, somebody, together
I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

3 weeks ago

broken, humor, laws, moving, moving on, nature, new, new year, Resolutions, self-improvement, year
Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

3 weeks ago

before, humor, i, me, myself, relationship, self-improvement, unhinged, work
I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

3 weeks ago

desire, done, effort, exercise, fitness, humor, i, irony, motivation, procrastination, self-improvement, want
Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

3 weeks ago

around, bragging, change, direction, humor, irony, life, perspective, self-improvement
I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

3 weeks ago

boundary, dynamics, everyone, going, growth, humor, less, ok, people, people pleaser, personal, personal growth, pleaser, sarcasm, self-improvement, social, social dynamics, try

For even more funny self-improvement quotes, hit next 👇

All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

39 shares on Slack this month:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Commenting “Obviously AI” on pictures of happy couples.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Just shared via Messenger:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Breaking via Snapchat:

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Going viral on WeChat:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Activity Log ✨

88 Funny self-improvement quotes

More funny self-improvement quotes 👇

All funny self-improvement quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨