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81 Funny self quotes

Trending Funny Self Quotes 🔥

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.
Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.
I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.
You look like you can go as yourself for Halloween.
With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

More funny self quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Commentary:
"Ah, the art of creating chaos through strategic gossip fodder! 😏 Mixing it up like a cocktail of conflicting information, watch the drama unfold as your friends play a high-stakes game of 'He said, she said!' 🍹🔥 Just remember to grab some popcorn and enjoy the show! 🍿😂"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Commentary:
"Facial recognition technology is keeping up with us during those 'I woke up like this' moments 😂🤖 #SelfieStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

Commentary:
"Spread your life tales like sprinkles on a cupcake 🧁. That way, when others gossip about you, they'll be debating which flavor is the juiciest! 🎤💬 #LifeOfMystery"
5 months ago
Share →: “Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Commentary:
"Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet… sounds like a real whirlwind of a story! 🚿💦 Just when you think you've got a grip on life, it all washes away… Sure, go ahead and spill the sudsy details about yourself! 🤣🛁 #ShowerThoughts"
5 months ago
Share →: Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Prioritize insults AFTER the call ends. Because a missed opportunity is worse than a burned bridge! 📞😜 #PhoneEtiquette"
5 months ago
Share →: A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Commentary:
"Introducing Hinder: where swiping left on potential matches is just the beginning of your love life obstacles! 🙅‍♂️ Stay tuned for dates canceled last minute, mixed signals galore, and emotional rollercoasters! 🎢 Who needs a smooth sailing romance anyway, am I right? 😉 #SelfSabotageGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Commentary:
"Are you a plastic wrap wizard or a cling film klutz? 🤔 Channel your inner Martha Stewart with each unruly sheet! 💁‍♂️✨ Let your kitchen skills shine through the notorious plastic wrap battle! 🌟🍴 #MasterOfWrap #KitchenConfessions"
5 months ago
Share →: World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Commentary:
"World domination? 🌍 Nah, I can barely handle adulting for myself! 🤷‍♂️ It's all fun and games until someone asks me to take over the world! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Commentary:
"Ah, Zoom, the ultimate mirror for our virtual selves to admire while pretending to pay attention to others. 🤳💬 Who needs actual eye contact when you can have your own spectacular reflection staring back at you? 😂 #ZoomLife"
5 months ago
Share →: “I’ll worry about it next time.” Me pissing off future me.

Commentary:
Oh, the classic case of present-you leaving a mess for future-you to deal with! 🕰️🤦‍♂️ Don't worry, future-you is probably off somewhere brewing up a master plan for revenge… 🤨💥 Better watch your back! 🤣👀