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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Seen just now on X:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Making waves on X:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Just shared via Slack:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Seen just now on Instagram:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Going bananas on Threads:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Going bananas on YouTube:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

55 Funny sleeping quotes

More funny sleeping quotes 👇

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

3 months ago

alarm, always, bedtime, before, best, humor, i, laziness, minutes, morning, procrastination, sleep, sleeping
I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

3 months ago

cabinet, humor, i, insomnia, joke, medicine, medicine cabinet, pill, silence, sleeping, sleeping pill, tiptoe, wake, want
My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

3 months ago

exhaustion, feeling, hobby, humor, rest, sleeping
My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

3 months ago

asleep, cycle, fall, fall asleep, humor, i, insomnia, issues, morning, night, sleep, sleep issues, sleeping, sleeping cycle, sleepy
My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

3 months ago

habits, humor, insomnia, lifestyle, pattern, rest, sleep, sleep habits, sleeping

For even more funny sleeping quotes, hit next 👇

All funny sleeping quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

22 shares on Facebook this month:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

How is it still this week?

54 shares on Discord this month:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

25 shares on Facebook this month:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I wish British people had subtitles so I knew what they are on about.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

The sexiest woman you know is trying to maintain her balance between insanity and genius.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Live now on Pinterest:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Live now on Discord:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Just shared via Slack:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Spotted on Reddit:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Spotted on WeChat:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Trending via WeChat:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Just landed via TikTok:

Don’t you hate it when you lose things? Like the motivation to do anything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

55 Funny sleeping quotes

More funny sleeping quotes 👇

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

All funny sleeping quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨