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Trying to unlock the secret level of Connect-the-Dots on my face with solar power ☀️😆✨
285 Funny today quotes
Starting a new life today, bye.
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Guess I'll just pack up my collection of stress and anxiety for the move! 🚪🏃♀️💼😅
Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.
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Taking this challenge one swear word at a time! 🚫💢🙊
Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?
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I'm launching a search party for responsible grown-ups—by any chance, do cats qualify? 🐱☕️😅
Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”
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When family gatherings start feeling like a parent's scheduling app! 🤔📅😂
Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.
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Spreading kindness online—because "Get off my lawn!" doesn't work over Wi-Fi! 😄🌐
Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?
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Why ruin a perfectly good relationship with my couch? 😂🛋️🍿
Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.
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Turning every work email into a game of "Not It!" 😜📧🙅♂️
Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.
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Procrastination level: expert 🤣🛌📈
Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.
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Sounds like you found the hidden level in the retail video game! 🎮😄🛒