285 Funny today quotes

• Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

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  3 days ago

  asking, cashier, customer, doing, greeting, humor, interaction, question, service, situation, social, social situation, today

• And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

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  3 days ago

  age, daily, daily life, day, every, forgetfulness, forgot, humor, i, just, learned, learning, life, memory, new, old, something, today

• I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

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  3 days ago

  anxiety, being, early, early riser, extra, humor, i, Monday, morning, much, procrastination, riser, sleep, today, tomorrow, waking, waking up, woke, workweek, worrying

• People in 1999 were using the Internet as an escape from reality. People today are using reality as an escape from the Internet.

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  3 days ago

  1999, age, commentary, digital, digital age, escape, humor, internet, people, reality, social, social commentary, technology, today, using

• Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

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  3 days ago

  beautiful, call, flirtation, gas, gas station, humor, i, me, need, station, today

• It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

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  3 days ago

  attention, attention seeker, birthday, conversation, embarrassing, embarrassment, every, feel, humor, me, need, seeker, tell, today

• My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

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  3 days ago

  before, boss, coffee, coffee shop, complaint, denied, hear, humor, me, music, never, raise, shift, shop, today, wanted, work

• If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

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  3 days ago

  advice, challenge, day, frustration, game, good, good day, having, humor, play, puzzle, today, word, word game, Wordle

• Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

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  4 days ago

  back, coming, coming back, family, humor, move, once, parent, parents, relationship, time, today, war

• Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

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  4 days ago

  40s, accident, activity, cardiologist, great, health, hiking, humor, i, Jesus, medical, meet, met, new, nurse, outdoor, outdoor activity, paramedic, people, three, today

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