Commentary:
Looks like someone just discovered the magical art of giving a taste of their own medicine! 👩⚖️🔄👨⚖️💥
290 Funny today quotes
Took my own lunch to work and didn’t buy a coffee today, so I should be able to afford to buy a house any day now.
Commentary:
Saving like this, it's only a matter of time before I can buy a mansion…or maybe just a fancy cup of coffee. 🏡☕😂
A woman was rude to me on the train today, so I googled the book she was reading and told her who the murderer is.
Commentary:
Plot twist: I turned public transport into a crime scene investigation! 🔍🚂📚🤣
My neighbor said he heard me having sex today, but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.
Commentary:
Sounds like your air conditioner deserves a privacy warning label! 🏷️💨🔞
Date someone who asks if you have eaten today. Extra points if they ask if you need to be eaten.
Commentary:
Always nice to find someone who cares about both your appetite and your appetite for adventure! 🍽️😂
Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.
Commentary:
Trying to unlock the secret level of Connect-the-Dots on my face with solar power ☀️😆✨
Starting a new life today, bye.
Commentary:
Guess I'll just pack up my collection of stress and anxiety for the move! 🚪🏃♀️💼😅
Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.
Commentary:
Taking this challenge one swear word at a time! 🚫💢🙊
Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?
Commentary:
I'm launching a search party for responsible grown-ups—by any chance, do cats qualify? 🐱☕️😅
Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”
Commentary:
When family gatherings start feeling like a parent's scheduling app! 🤔📅😂