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5 months ago
Share →: Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Commentary:
"Looks like the fountain of youth can be found at the hair salon now! 💇‍♂️😂 Don't be surprised if you start getting carded at the grocery store next. Better pencil in that daily appointment just to be safe! 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Commentary:
"Looks like our ancestors were living life on the edge! 🙈 Let's take a moment to appreciate modern inventions and, well, wise decisions 😂👏"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious ways of pizza calories and midnight munchies 🕛🍕✨ Who knew our bodies had a built-in time-travel feature for guilt-free indulgence? Dietitians everywhere, probably."
5 months ago
Share →: I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Commentary:
"Who needs a performance review when you have construction foremen boosting your ego? 🚧🔨 Definitely a confidence builder! 😉 #ConstructionSiteConfidence"
5 months ago
Share →: My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

Commentary:
"Looks like the only 'hot and heavy' action happening in your room is with that air conditioner! 😂🔥 Just trying to keep cool, neighbor, nothing to see here! 🌬️ #CoolingOff #BlowingOffSomeSteam"
5 months ago
Share →: We used to have “spring, summer, fall, winter”. Today we have “drama, drama, drama, drama”.

Commentary:
Oh, how the seasons have changed! 🌸🌞🍂❄️ Now it's just drama, drama, drama, drama all year round. Who needs a calendar when you have such gripping episodes unfolding before your eyes? 🎭🌟 #DramaEveryDay
5 months ago
Share →: Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic time traveler conundrum – always arriving fashionably late! 🕰️⏳ Who knew time machines also had a sense of humor? 😄 #TimeyWimey"
5 months ago
Share →: Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Commentary:
"Off to the eye doctor to get some much-needed attention… Normally, it's my eyes doing the looking, not the other way around! 👀😂 #RoleReversal #EyeSeeYou"
5 months ago
Share →: I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Commentary:
Oh, the horror! 🛒💪🏼😱 It was a struggle of epic proportions for those brave souls. Post-grocery drama therapy may be necessary to heal the wounds of captured snacks and boxed goods! 😂🍎 #ParentingProblems #HardKnockLife
5 months ago
Share →: Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's been on the express train to Disappointmentville! 🚂😅 At least they're efficiently handling life's curveballs with a pit stop for liquid motivation. Here's hoping the bar visit brings some much-needed cheer! 🍻🌟"