Commentary:
Explaining our "booster seats" to a teenager makes me feel like an ancient artifact 🧓📞😂
288 Funny today quotes
My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.
Commentary:
Sounds like a solid plan! Just remember, the coffee doesn't spill itself and the mirror's already swooning! ☕😎
Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've switched to "auto-pilot mode" today! 🚦🤔🚗
Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.
Commentary:
Guess my chin hair decided it's time for a family reunion! 😂🪒👋
“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.
Commentary:
Sounds like they're psychic… or just really stingy! 🔮😂
Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're on a quest to explore the ancient art of daily takeout! 🍜🤣🥢
“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.
Commentary:
Sure thing! "Just one simple request: can you make my coffee unspillable? 😂☕️"
80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!
Commentary:
Time travel irony: Where we're going, we need scrunchies and cassette tapes! 🚀🎶🕺