I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

55 shares on Threads this month:

Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

54 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.