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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

At least life has music.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,465

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Freshly posted on X:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Spotted on X:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Just shared via Discord:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

Seen just now on Telegram:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Making waves on Telegram:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Seen just now on Slack:

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

Live now on WeChat:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
I feel you, sometimes the best reaction is a smile and a nod… followed by a facepalm 🙄🤦‍♂️

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

0

2 months ago

2, hours, humor, problem, ready, relationship, sh, take, time, woman
People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

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2 months ago

broke, humor, irony, just, lifestyle, minimalist, money, people, think
You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

0

2 months ago

admiration, attraction, beautiful, beauty, crush, ever, health, humor, infatuation, mental, mental health, mentally, woman
Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

0

2 months ago

apology, communication, humor, i, just, left, mean, message, open, procrastination, read, sorry, text
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, comfort, humor, indulgence, questions, silly, treat, understanding
Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

0

2 months ago

audacity, bigger, carry, fashion, fashion joke, gender, gender stereotype, help, humor, jeans, joke, men’s, men’s jeans, pocket, pocket size, pockets, size, stereotype

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

85 shares on X this month:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Just landed via Discord:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Live now on TikTok:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Spotted on Discord:

“You’re so self-aware!” Thanks, it’s ruining my life.

Just landed via WeChat:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨