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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where, if you ask me to go out after 9 p.m., I’m definitely not coming.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I hope this email kills us both.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,287

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

Making waves on Facebook:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Spotted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Spotted on Messenger:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Making waves on Twitch:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Going viral on Facebook:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Witty text about self-deprecating humor and feeling overwhelmed, in a playful tone.
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Commentary:
"Who needs good vibes when you can offer bad ones with confidence? 😏 Embracing the chaos and imperfection like a pro! 🤪💥 #JustBeingReal"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

30 shares on YouTube this month:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

14 shares on Slack this month:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,398

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Got a new high score on my bathroom scale.

Making waves on X:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Spotted on Telegram:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Trending via Snapchat:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Spotted on Telegram:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

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