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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I might be late to a lot of places, but the airport is not one of them.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I love tennis but never really been clear why they need a lifeguard.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Going viral on Threads:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Breaking via Threads:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Just shared via Threads:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Breaking via Slack:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’ll never understand why the volume in movies is always mixed in such a way that you can barely understand the dialog and your neighbor gets war flashbacks during action scenes.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to figure out if that's a joke or if Vanilla Ice has a time machine! 🕰️🎤😂

bowie, culture, david, David Bowie, humor, i, ice, love, music, musician, parody, pop, pop culture, queen, riff, song, steal, vanilla, Vanilla Ice, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

0

2 months ago

barks, communication, dog, human, humor, i, intelligence, me, pet, smarter, understand, understanding, words
Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

0

3 weeks ago

connect, connection, cry, crying, frustration, goal, humor, laptop, new, printer, technology, three, times
My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

0

3 months ago

2007, age, born, email, emails, humor, i, intern, millennial, office, older, technology, unread, unread email, year
You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

0

2 months ago

bland, bland brew, brew, cup, cup of tea, humor, individuality, let, own, preference, self-acceptance, tea, uniqueness
The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

0

2 months ago

comparison, elder, gender, generation, humor, i, say, thing, woman, wonder, wonder woman
Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

0

2 months ago

chaos, coffee, good, life, morning, only, sense, thing, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

97 shares on X this month:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

31 shares on Threads this month:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

67 shares on Slack this month:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

79 shares on X this month:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Freshly posted on X:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Spotted on Snapchat:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Live now on Telegram:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Seen just now on Messenger:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Spotted on X:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨