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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Three serious exes is the right amount before you meet your spouse. You need one truly evil one, one normal one, and one situationship, and then you’ve basically experienced all dating has to offer.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Just landed via Twitch:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Seen just now on Discord:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Spotted on Reddit:

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Just shared via Discord:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Live now on Threads:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Live now on Telegram:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Spotted on YouTube:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Dinner at 3 p.m., and I've just discovered the magic of early bird energy saving 😂🍽️🕒

3, afternoon, cook, day, dinner, grandma, humor, i, old fashioned, relaxation, rest, sit, used, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

0

2 months ago

conversation, frustration, humor, i, joke, me, print, printer, show, sounds, sure, technology
Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

0

6 months ago

cut, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, revenge, therapy, vengeance
Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

0

2 months ago

anger, better, cleaning, frustration, humor, motivation, nobody, pissed, somebody
Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

0

2 months ago

adventure, bison, experiences, fullest, humor, life, living, selfy
In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

0

5 months ago

confidence, disagree, disagreement, experience, humor, me, opinion, people, sarcasm, wrong
I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

0

2 months ago

embrace, flaw, flaws, humor, i, joke, order, restraining, restraining order, sarcasm, self-acceptance, tried

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Threads this month:

The gap in my resume? Yeah, it’s called playing outside.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

100 shares on X this month:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

26 shares on Slack this month:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

They expect me to work at work.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Trending via Facebook:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Breaking via Reddit:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Shared recently on Threads:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Going viral on Messenger:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Me, to the printer: “Hey, could you print this out for me?” Printer: “Sure, but first I’ll show you all the sounds I can make.”

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨