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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

I have a huge to-do list, I just have to figure out whoโ€™s gonna do it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

Iโ€™ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that Iโ€™m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

I find it extremely hard to believe that you’re rolling on the floor laughing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess Iโ€™ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Messenger:

If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Spotted on Twitch:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Trending via Slack:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Live now on Slack:

His hands wouldnโ€™t stop talking to me, your honor.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I need money, not feelings.

Live now on LinkedIn:

After being raised on Disney movies, Iโ€™m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Just shared via Instagram:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Canโ€™t tell him itโ€™s because I donโ€™t give a shit.

Making waves on Reddit:

I canโ€™t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Playful quote about space movies versus real car headlights, highlighting everyday humor and confusion.
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Commentary:
Trying to fly a spaceship in Star Wars: piece of cake. Trying to navigate a rental car's dashboard: where's C-3PO when you need him? ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿš—โœจ

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Social Media Stars โญ

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Gravity called. Itโ€™s sick of holding me up.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

24 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out itโ€™s just the politics.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

86 shares on X this month:

Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said โ€œgo around itโ€.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Coffee ainโ€™t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I love being outside, just not when itโ€™s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,671

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

New year; new me. Just kidding. Iโ€™m already awesome.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

I’m still tired from yesterday’s tired.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Iโ€™ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and Iโ€™d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

If youโ€™re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

I need a leaf blower, but for people.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via X:

Looks like itโ€™s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I have some cake and now Iโ€™m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isnโ€™t enough.

Spotted on TikTok:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Spotted on Messenger:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Spotted on Threads:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Just shared via Instagram:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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