Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,509

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Going viral on Twitch:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Going bananas on Reddit:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Going bananas on Facebook:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Just shared via Facebook:

You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.

Shared recently on Instagram:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just found out my productivity is powered by the panic of unexpected guests! 😅🧹🏃‍♀️

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

0

2 months ago

aging, cause, day, fun, heartburn, humor, next, nostalgia, recipe, searching, Thanksgiving, young, youth
I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

0

2 months ago

actually, couch, exercise, humor, i, laziness, me, procrastination, protection, under, workout
Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

0

2 months ago

expectation, flowers, gardening, humor, i, just, nature, poetry, red, romance, romantic, roses, roses are red, something, surprise
Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

0

2 months ago

counter, eating, flamingo, kitchen, kitchen counter, standing, vibe, watermelon
The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

0

2 months ago

best, cooking, essential, essential oil, food, food humor, humor, oil, taco
The most important meal of the day is the next one.

0

2 months ago

day, eating, food, humor, importance, meal, next, timing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

64 shares on Messenger this month:

I love having plans to cancel.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

66 shares on X this month:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Breaking via WeChat:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Making waves on X:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Seen just now on Instagram:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Spotted on X:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

Standing like a flamingo at my kitchen counter eating watermelon is such a vibe.

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨