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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,708

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Live now on Telegram:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Going viral on WeChat:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Going viral on YouTube:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Breaking via YouTube:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

4 weeks ago

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Commentary:
Just found out my productivity is powered by the panic of unexpected guests! 😅🧹🏃‍♀️

accomplish, amazing, around, before, cleaning, coming, house, housework, humor, i, motivation, much, over, preparation, procrastination, productivity, right, someone, visitor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, company, criticism, flavor, food, hot, hot sauce, humor, i, making, need, sauce, taste, thing, variety
After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

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2 months ago

activity, after, cooking, dishwashing, drunk, host, humor, kind, same, show
Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

0

2 months ago

actual, appliance, dryer, friends, humor, just, machine, relationship, think, washing, washing machine, work, work friends
I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, change, changing, game, heart, humor, people, thank, top
All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

0

2 months ago

disaster, existential, humanity, humor, irony, large, meteor, problems, solution
He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

0

3 months ago

heart, humor, just, light, lights, love, metaphor, right, romantic

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

96 shares on X this month:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

41 shares on Discord this month:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

70 shares on Slack this month:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone by sometimes sitting on the other end of my sofa.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Out of all my body parts, I’m sure my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least 463 eye rolls a day.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Going bananas on Twitch:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Just landed via X:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

Spotted on Reddit:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Going viral on YouTube:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Going viral on Telegram:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

I’m changing the game. I’m starting to thank people from the top of my heart.

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨