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Commentary:
"Lesson learned: never cut corners when it comes to hitmen. 💸💥 Better to invest in quality work and avoid those budget-friendly deals! 😅 #HitmanFail"

age, hiring, hitman, men, regret

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

0

2 months ago

double, double life, even, here, holding, humor, life, life management, living, management, people, relatability, single, single life, struggle, together
I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

0

2 months ago

clothing, comparison, cut, experience, funny comparison, half, humor, i, jeans, magician, never, same, Thanksgiving, thing
“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

0

2 months ago

attitude, employment, harder, humor, job, okay, personality, self-awareness, tattoo, well
I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, clothes, fashion, humor, panic, summer, try-on, wardrobe
A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

0

2 months ago

bad, compliment, confidence, dating, flirting, humor, humor quote, insta, looking, man, me, media, message, said, social, social media
Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoying, annoying person, awkwardness, bluesky, broken, broken elevator, discomfort, elevator, feels, funny situation, humor, miracle, most, people, person, situation, social, social awkwardness, stick, take, together, where, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Slack this month:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

28 shares on Slack this month:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve just learned terrible news. My department at work is planning a team-building retreat. Thank you for your thoughts during this difficult time.

21 shares on Discord this month:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

65 shares on Discord this month:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Making waves on X:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Breaking via Reddit:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Shared recently on Slack:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Broadcasted on Reddit:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I would love to see AI be unemployed.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

Going viral on Slack:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨