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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has viewed:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡­ has copied:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

That drum solo from In the Air Tonight, but it’s me just slapping my tummy, waiting for the microwave to beep.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has shared:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has bookmarked:

If I had 50Β’ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has viewed:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Seen just now on Discord:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Breaking via Threads:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sunday without HBO feels like a meal without carbs β€” empty and deeply wrong.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Making waves on Twitch:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Just shared via Telegram:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

Just landed via Messenger:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

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Commentary:
Wi-Fi 10/10, social skills buffering πŸ˜‚πŸ“Ά

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡· has viewed:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Going viral on X is like winning a lotto during the apocalypse.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has viewed:

The thumbs up emoji is a nice way to tell someone not only did you receive their message, you’re also done with the conversation.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has viewed:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Discord:

β€œStop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Breaking via Facebook:

Imagine you go bowling by yourself and you go sit down, but it’s your turn again.

Just landed via TikTok:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Going viral on Threads:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Going viral on Reddit:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

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