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Just a strategic rebranding, darling! 💁‍♂️ From significant other to expert ex, I'm elevating my status in your life. 😜 Who knew breakups could be so fashionable? 💔 #ChicExGoals

baby, breakup, ex, humor, just, love, myself, rebranding, relationship

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My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

2 months ago
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I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

1 month ago
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If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

1 month ago
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It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

1 month ago
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Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

1 month ago
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This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

1 month ago
change, heat, hell, hot, hot temperature, humor, i, me, realize, survival, survive, temperature, weather

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

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A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

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Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

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I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

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Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

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I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Shared recently on Threads:

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

Breaking via WeChat:

First you’re cringe, then you’re the blueprint.

Spotted on Twitch:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

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No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

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No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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