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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Rappers be making you feel guilty for no reason at all: “You was in the house eating dinner while I was in the streets hungry”. Like my fault, bro.

Trending via Telegram:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Spotted on Reddit:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Making waves on Twitch:

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Spotted on Instagram:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Live now on Snapchat:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

2 months ago

0

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just a strategic rebranding, darling! 💁‍♂️ From significant other to expert ex, I'm elevating my status in your life. 😜 Who knew breakups could be so fashionable? 💔 #ChicExGoals

baby, breakup, ex, humor, just, love, myself, rebranding, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

0

2 months ago

comfort, decision, fashion, humor, i, irony, life, living, norms, pajamas, people, public, social, social norms
The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

0

2 months ago

best, best part, humor, marriage, partner, relationship, something, stupid, worst, worst part
Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

0

2 months ago

anecdote, chiropractics, conversation, ghost, guy, humor, i, massage, pretty, quick, shut, therapist, told
To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

0

2 months ago

being, boss, expectations, hate, humor, i, means, news, reality, self-employed, terrible, work
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

0

2 months ago

always, bottle, celebration, fridge, fun, humor, keep, occasion, special, special occasion, Wednesday, wine
Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

0

5 months ago

banking, card, decline, embarrassment, experience, finance, Funny, funny experience, humor, know, money, payment

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

25 shares on Discord this month:

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

88 shares on Threads this month:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

79 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

19 shares on Slack this month:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,442

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Spotted on WeChat:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Making waves on Threads:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Going bananas on Discord:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Spotted on Threads:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Freshly posted on X:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Trending via LinkedIn:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Making waves on X:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

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